


Awesome Purple Giraffe

by unoriginal_liz



Series: lwd himym au of doom [2]
Category: Life with Derek
Genre: AU, F/M, Inspired by How I Met Your Mother
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-12
Updated: 2012-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 16:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7470543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unoriginal_liz/pseuds/unoriginal_liz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Oh, hey – while we’re being honest here, you might want to take this on board.  You either want something…or you don’t.  You can’t <i>half</i> want something, or <i>maybe</i> want something, or <i>down-the-line</i> want something.  And maybe the fact that you’ve spent the last week wondering whether or not to even <i>call</i> this girl, tells you all you need to know about how this thing’s going to go down.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awesome Purple Giraffe

**Author's Note:**

> Mash up of _Purple Giraffe_ and _Okay Awesome_.

_**“Okay, guys…so, where was I?”**_

_**“Scarring us for life by talking about how you tried to mack on Aunt Casey the first time you met her.”** _

_**“Seriously, Dad.”** _

_**“Well, it was a confusing time for me. I mean, it’s easy to look back now and see how everything was slowly coming together, but while those things were actually happening, they weren’t so easy to make sense of. Your Uncle Sheldon and Aunt Emily getting engaged…well, that triggered something in me. All of a sudden, I was thinking about marriage, kids…things I’d never thought about before.** _

_**And then I met your Aunt Casey. And she was all about marriage and commitment and” –** _

_**“Yeah. We know. You just told us.”** _

_**“The point is, even though I really liked her, and it was the perfect set up…I choked. And I kind of made a fool of myself.”** _

_**“Undisputed.”** _

_**“The thing was, I knew that I had made a fool of myself. So, that left me with two options. One, I could work through my embarrassment, face down my humiliation and call her, or…I could wuss out and pretend the whole thing had never happened.”** _

_**“So…obviously you called her. Right, Dad?”** _

_**“Actually…”** _

 

*****

 

Sam sighed as he exited his bedroom. It had been a week since he’d bombed so spectacularly with Casey, but he was finding it strangely hard to move on and put the embarrassing memory behind him. 

The pining, the taping of every subsequent broadcast of City News 1, the way Casey’s name kept popping up in every conversation…

…Something had to be done.

This feeling only strengthened as he found himself sitting on the couch, watching Casey wrap up the story of a dog that had developed a taste for dish-soap, and could bark bubbles on command. 

“She’s perfect for you,” Sheldon said, gesturing with the remote.

“I don’t know,” Sam hedged. “I mean, sure it’s a great party trick, but a dog is for life – not just for Christmas parties.”

“I meant Casey,” Sheldon said, turning to face Sam. He looked expectant. “When are you going to call her?”

“Um,” Sam said. Carefully, he took the remote from Sheldon’s hand, and turned down the volume before gently breaking it to him. “About that…I don’t think I’m going to call her.”

“What?” Sheldon seemed confused. “But why not? I’ve been studying her” –

“I noticed,” Sam said. “I think Emily’s starting to get a complex.”

“ – and she’s perfect for us. Why wouldn’t you call her?”

“Maybe because the last time I saw her, I made a fool out of myself and…did you just say ‘perfect for _’us_ ’?”

This time it was Sheldon’s turn to speak gently. “Sam, I didn’t want to say this before, because I didn’t want to put pressure on you, but…Emily and I are engaged now.” He trailed off, and raised his eyebrows significantly.

“And…?” Sam prompted, because clearly, there was an ‘and.’

Sheldon sighed, “And we’re at a point in our lives where we need to start cultivating ‘couple’ friends.”

“Couple friends?” Sam repeated.

“From here on out, it’s going to be wine-tastings, cheese-nights…shared vacations in charmingly rustic bed and breakfasts where we admire the scenic Canadian countryside and play a variety of four-player card-games…”

“It…is?”

“Nothing personal, Sam,” Sheldon assured him. “It’s just…how these kinds of things work.”

Sam refrained from asking Sheldon how _he_ knew, since he’d been engaged for a grand total of eight days. Instead, he said, “Well, okay, but…it’s not that big a deal, right? We’ll still be friends. I mean, maybe we won’t hang out every weekend, but we’ll meet up and you guys will tell me all about the happening cheese parties I missed out on.” He smiled.

Sheldon placed a heavy hand on his shoulder. “I wish it was that simple. Here’s the thing – we want you to be part of our couple-experience, Sam. But…it’s a plus-one kind of world, and unless you start planning for the future right now, you’re going to end up alone in a badly-lit motel. Playing solitaire.”

He swept a hand towards the television as he presented the alternative to this dire fate. “ _Or_ …you could always call Casey, and you guys could be our go-to couple.”

Sam thought about this for all of two seconds before saying, “Okay, first of all… _that’s_ not Casey” –

They both blinked at the sudden presence of a blond guy in a naval uniform on the screen.

“And second of all…I just don’t think I can call her.”

 

*****

 

“She probably wouldn’t want to hear from me anyway,” Sam said.

“Probably not,” Derek agreed. “I mean, I’m your best friend, and right now I’m trying to tune you out, so…”

“We said, ‘This is goodbye.’ We both said it. It would be weird if I called her now.”

“Yeah,” Derek agreed, putting both elbows on the table and leaning forward. “But if you don’t, how will you ever know if she _likes_ you likes you?” he asked, in a breathless voice, before slumping back in his seat. “Oh, wait, that’s right. You do know. Because she shot you down. Dude, seriously, _guy up_ and get over it.”

“You’re right,” Sam decided. “It’s not like I even want to be invited to wine and cheese parties.” 

He shook his head and frowned. “Do you know how to play solitaire?”

***** 

**_“And that’s where it would have ended. If it hadn’t been for” –_**

Sam stopped as he and Sheldon made their way through the bar to where Emily was sitting. “Is that” –

Emily waved them over. “Hey Sam – look who I ran into!”

Casey smiled at him from the other side of the booth. “Emily recognized me from the news. We have a viewer!”

“Actually, my fiancé is a huge fan,” Emily said. She gestured at him. “This is Sheldon.”

“Two viewers,” Casey amended. “Two viewers and a fan!” She beamed with such dorky, whole-hearted enthusiasm that Sam couldn’t help but smile helplessly back.

“Nice to meet you.” Sheldon scrutinized her closely. “Wow – you look really different in person,” he said. “How long do you have to spend in make-up?”

Casey’s smile wavered, unsure of how to take this, but Emily hastily said, “Actually, _Sam’s_ your biggest fan.”

“Yeah,” Sheldon agreed, as he sat down next to Emily. Sam remained standing. “He hasn’t stopped talking about you since that night that you two went out and he totally choked.”

Emily patted his hand and hinted, “I think we should probably be downplaying that part, sweetie.”

Casey smiled down at her empty glass for a moment before saying, “I – should probably go. Get back to the station. Come up with some more hard-hitting human interest stories for our actual, substantiated viewership.”

He watched her slide out of the booth and heard himself say, “Casey…”

She turned back, looking at him with that intent, focused look that made him feel a mixture of attracted and uncomfortable. “Yes, Sam?”

“I’ll…uh…I guess I’ll see you around.”

The intent look faded as she half-nodded and said, “Yeah. I’ll see you around, Sam.”

 

*****

 

“Okay, what was that?” Sam asked, as he slid into the side of the booth Casey had just vacated.

“I know,” Sheldon said. “She’s perfect for us, and you just let her walk out of here?” He shook his head.

“I meant, I already said I wasn’t going to call her, so why is Emily hanging out with her?”

“What? I saw her, and thanks to Sheldon’s semi-stalking, I kind of feel like I already know her. So I said hi.”

Sam looked at her.

“And okay, if you two started dating…it might be nice to not be the only girl in the boy’s clubhouse,” she admitted.

“Em” –

“You like her,” she said firmly, and Sam found he couldn’t argue. “And, even though you really tried to blow it last time, it turns out you have a second chance. She still likes you.”

“You really think so?”

“Play your cards right, and show her you’re serious, and she just might go out with you again.”

“But how would I do that?” Sam asked.

An inspired look spread across Sheldon’s face, and he said, “We should invite her to a wine and cheese party!”

Emily and Sam blinked at him.

“Think about it,” he urged them. “You get to show Casey that you’re seriously interested in being part of a long-term couple, and we get an opportunity to finesse our hostessing abilities.”

Emily shrugged. “It could be fun. So, are you in?”

Sam looked between her and Sheldon, then said gamely, “Deal me in, I guess.”

*****

**_Kids – remember how I said that during college, your Uncle Derek and I fell out of contact? Well, you kind of need to remember that to understand what happened next. See – when we met up again, your Uncle Derek was…well, your Uncle Derek. But – something was different. Or maybe I should say – something was more the same than ever. I mean, Derek had never been the kind of guy who talked about feelings, and he’d always dated around, but when we met up again, he was completely, one hundred percent anti-relationship. In the four years since we’d met up again, I don’t think he’d ever even gone out on a second date with the same girl._**

**_Now, obviously, there was a story there – and actually, it’s a really good story, with a great payoff. But I’ll get to that later._ **

**_When _this_ happened, however, I was still in the dark. To be honest, I guess your Uncle Derek and I had been having problems for a while. But it wasn’t until I met your Aunt Casey that everything came out into the open._**

“You’re hosting a wine and cheese party so that newsreader-chick will sleep with you,” Derek said. “Congratulations. You’ve officially gone to the amount of trouble known as ‘too much.’”

“Actually, Sheldon and Emily are throwing the party, so I’m not going to any trouble. And even if I was – she’s worth it.”

“Uh-huh,” Derek said.

“She is,” Sam said. 

“You’re not even dating her, and she’s already making you do stuff you don’t want to do,” Derek said. “Yeah… _that’s_ a good sign.”

“She’s not _making_ me do anything,” Sam denied.

“Do you _want_ to talk wine and cheese with Sheldon, Emily and a bunch of couple clones?”

“I” –

Derek raised his eyebrows, and Sam had to admit, “…okay, maybe I don’t,” because so far, the one factor Sheldon’s comprehensive detailing of wine-and-cheese minutiae had neglected to account for, was ‘fun’.

“But,” he said, the satisfied quirk of Derek’s mouth driving him onwards, “If that’s what it takes…I can do it. Because I don’t want to end up in some seedy motel room playing card-games and wondering where it all went wrong. And I think,” he said, getting bolder by the word, “I really think you should try it too. Come to the wine and cheese party. You can bring a date” –

“Just one?”

Sam ignored this, and said, completely sincere, “You might surprise yourself.”

Derek tapped the side of his glass, and said, “Yeaaah…you’re going to be navigating couple-country on your own. I, on the other hand, will be playing an awesome game of Texas Hold ‘Em.” He cupped his hands in front of him, suggestively.

**_Kids, you’ve heard the phrase, ‘the last straw’, right?_**

“When did you turn into that guy?” Sam asked, looking at Derek like he’d never seen him before. “That lame guy who makes stupid jokes about marriage and relationships, and who sleeps with a million different girls and never gets serious about any of them?”

“What can I say – I’m living the dream,” Derek said. The line of his jaw was set, a warning, and Sam knew that this was the last chance to back up and avoid the massive pile-up waiting smack dab in the middle of the Truth and Honesty freeway.

“Really? Because – can I be honest with you? – we all feel _sorry_ for that guy. See – he’s so busy trying to avoid anything _real_ , that he’s going to end up with nothing.”

There was a silence after Sam had finished speaking, while Derek calmly finished his drink in one long swallow. Then he set down his glass with a clink that made Sam flinch, despite the fact that it wasn’t even a loud sound. “So, seems like we’re done here,” Derek said.

Sam didn’t say anything, and Derek began to slide out of the booth, only to pause and say, “Oh, hey – while we’re being honest here, you might want to take this on board. You either want something…or you don’t. You can’t _half_ want something, or _maybe_ want something, or down-the-line want something. And maybe the fact that you’ve spent the last week wondering whether or not to even _call_ this girl, tells you all you need to know about how this thing’s going to go down.”

*****

“A dry run?” Sam said.

“Does that mean no wine?” Emily asked, sounding less than enthused.

“No, it just means we should have a practice night – a kind of dress rehearsal to make sure everything goes according to plan.”

“Isn’t the plan to drink wine and eat cheese?” Sam asked. “Do we really need to practice that?”

“Sounds pretty foolproof,” Emily agreed.

“And that is exactly why we need a dry run,” Sheldon said, eyeing them sternly. “You can’t just put out wine and cheese and expect to have a successful wine and cheese night!”

“You can’t?”

“Em, baby – my little crudite” –

“Not on the list of approved endearments, sweetie,” she warned.

“ – this is the first event we’re hosting as an engaged couple. It sets the tone for our entire future. One mis-step and instead of being lauded as the cosmopolitan entertainers we have the potential to be…we’re being laughed as, as cheap entertainment.” Sheldon stared worriedly into the distance, obviously imagining this dire fate.

“Okay, fine,” Emily relented. “We’ll have a practice run.”

Sheldon seized her shoulders and kissed her. “You made the right choice,” he assured her. “I’ll ask around, find a sympathetic couple for the Friday practice run, and Saturday…Saturday we’ll show everyone how it’s done.”

As he closed the door behind him, Emily turned to Sam and shrugged. “More wine, more cheese. How bad could it be?”

*****

_**It was pretty bad.**_

“Can you believe I got Brianna and Tim?” Sheldon said, pulling her aside in the kitchen. “They’re the couple everyone wants – the it-couple!”

“Yeah, great,” Emily said absently, as she speared the remaining cubes of cheese.

“This is a _coup_ ,” Sheldon continued, peering out at the couple sitting in the living room. “I mean – if we make a good impression tonight and tomorrow…we could be catapulted right into the social elite. Em – this is huge.”

Meanwhile, the It couple had already begun making an impression on Sam.

“So…Sam – isn’t it? When’s your girlfriend getting here?” Brianna asked.

“Actually, I don’t have a girlfriend at the moment.”

Brianna put a hand on her fiance’s leg, and said with mock-horror, “You’re not…one of _them_ , are you?”

“Them?” Sam asked.

“A _single_ ,” she said. “Sheldon told us this was a couples night.”

“Oh, it is,” Sam said. “I’m here in more of an…observational capacity.”

“If we’d known we’d have to make chit-chat with a commitment-free, well… we might have had second thoughts. What do you people even talk about – casual sex, STDs and cheap beer?”

Sam stared at her. “Uh…”

“Relax – we’re kidding!” she said, giggling. Sam smiled weakly.

“Mind you, it is going to ruin that game of hearts we were hoping to play,” Tim said. Brianna patted his knee consolingly.

Sam’s shoulders visibly relaxed when Sheldon and Emily appeared. Sheldon carried a cheese platter, while Emily had a bottle of wine in each hand.

“So – who wants to get this party started?” she asked, holding up the bottles.

The laughter was surprisingly loud, considering that only two people were making the sound. 

“Good one, Emily!” Tim said finally.

Brianna blinked at them, as they stood in puzzled silence, “Oh – you were actually being _serious_.”

“Wine needs to breathe,” Tim said, voice gentle and slow. “You have to leave the bottles open for at least a half an hour before we can even consider drinking it.”

“Classic newbie mistake,” Brianna said.

“Don’t worry – we won’t hold it against you,” Tim said with a wink. “Everyone makes mistakes their first time.”

“Thanks,” Emily said, smile strained. “That – means a lot.”

Brianna looked between her and Sheldon with a misty expression, “You two are just _precious_. And – is that Camembert? With a _Shiraz_?” She turned to Tim. “Ohhhh – were we _ever_ that naïve?”

*****

“So…this is maturity,” Sam said, watching Emily stab more cheese-cubes in the kitchen. 

“I hope not,” Emily muttered.

“It’s not so bad.”

She dropped her toothpicks. “Sam – going by this evening, maturity sounds like a lecture on fixed mortgages, and it tastes like feet. So far, I’m not seeing what’s to love.”

**_She was right. It was a terrible evening. But in the back of my mind, I could myself as an old man, checking into a low-cost motel and taking out a deck of cards to play Solitaire – and I still didn’t know the rules. That’s why I said –_**

“Well, okay, it hasn’t been great so far, but…with the right person, anything can be fun, right?”

“Do you think Sheldon would notice if I stayed in here for the rest of the night?” Emily asked.

***** 

**_Kids, the wine and cheese dry run had quite an effect on your Aunt Emily. And on me, too, even if I didn’t want to admit it. Emily lay awake that night thinking about the future, and fixed account mortgages, and how Brianna and Tim actually had a point about the Camembert and the Shiraz – and the next morning, she said –_**

“Sheldon – was last night…what you expected?”

“Are you kidding?” Sheldon said, “You think I would have imagined having Brianna and Tim sitting on our couch, lecturing us on the importance of family planning?”

Emily sighed in relief.

“It was so much more than I’d hoped for,” he said. “I mean – Brianna and Tim? They’re the elite – they’re the kind of couple other couples want to _be_. And – get this – last night Tim actually talked about making this a regular Friday thing. You know what this means?”

“Alcoholism as a coping mechanism?” she muttered.

“Em – we’ve arrived!”

**_Maybe it would have been okay – maybe Emily would have talked things out with Sheldon and we all could have avoided the Saturday night wine and cheese fiasco, but instead –_**

“Hey guys,” Sam said, as he popped his head around the entrance to the kitchen, “I just called Casey, and she’s really excited about tonight. Turns out, she’s kind of a wine and cheese aficionado.”

“Great,” Emily said, “Just what we need. Another one.”

“That’s perfect!” Sheldon said. “Then, if everything goes according to plan, from tonight on…you and Casey, me and Emily, Brianna and Tim…we’ll be an unstoppable force – a couples-Juggernaut! Can’t you just see it, Em?”

Emily swallowed. “Yeah. I can.”

*****

“So they talked about how ‘austere’ the wine was for a while, and then they went home. It was so _boring_ ,” Emily said.

“Yeah,” Derek agreed. “Thanks for sharing, by the way.”

She looked down at her glass. “Is this what it’s like? Being engaged?”

“Yes,” Derek said, almost before she’d finished asking the question.

“And how would you know?” she said immediately. “It’s not like you’ve ever been engaged.”

“No,” he said, “But I’ve gotten close enough to see the wreckage, and I’ve heard the survivor stories.”

She shook her head, but the smile vanished from her face as she mused, “I never really imagined what it’d be like to be engaged to Sheldon…but if I had – I wouldn’t have imagined this.”

She sighed. “I should get going – I have to hit the liquor-store before the party. Tonight depends on finding something full-bodied and with a really, really high alcohol content.”

“Good luck with that,” Derek told her.

She closed her eyes, braced her hands on the table, and stood. “Here goes,” she said, but stayed in the same spot. “So – are you coming tonight?”

“After you talked it up so much…uh – _no_.” He became absorbed in rolling his glass between his hands as he admitted, “Anyway, I’m not really invited. Couples only.”

“Really?” Emily frowned. “That’s a shame. I don’t Sam had a very good time last night either. And tonight’s kind of important for him.” She sighed. “We could both have used a little immoral support.”

*****

“So – Sam, isn’t it? – what happened this girl you told us you might be dating?” Brianna asked, “I don’t see her.” She shielded her eyes with her hand, as if she was staring into the sun, and squinted around the room. 

“Um…no, she’s not here,” Sam said. “She just texted – she got caught at work…but she’s going to try and make it later.”

“I spent all evening looking up six-player games,” Tim said. He stared down at the deck of cards in his hands. “Guess I shouldn’t have bothered.”

Brianna patted his knee, and said, in a low voice, “Don’t blame yourself, Timmy-bear. It’s the casual hook-up culture.”

“It’s the scourge of these modern times,” Sheldon agreed, with a shake of his head in Sam’s direction.

Just then, the doorbell rang. “That’s probably her now,” Sam said, as he got to his feet.

Tim brightened. “Great!” he said. “Emily – why don’t you bring out the cheese plate and we’ll start the Baccarat!”

**_As I went to the door, a funny thing happened. I could see your Aunt Casey on the other side – even before I opened the door…and I could see even more than that. I could see us as a couple, our shared lives stretching ahead of me – an endless parade of wine and cheese Fridays, scrabble Saturdays, and long lazy bed-and-breakfast weekends. But, even though it was way better than the future where I ended up alone with a nicotine-stained deck of cards in a Best Value Inn…in a weird way, it was just as scary. I wasn't sure I was ready to open that door...but I did. And when I did - _**

A stream of people flowed into the apartment, past a nonplussed Sam, followed by -

“Derek? What are you doing here?”

“I thought I’d stop by – check out the wine and cheese action,” he said. 

“I thought this was going to be a select event,” Brianna said, as a guy with a spider web tattoo on his arm picked up her glass of wine, sniffed and said, appreciatively, “Is that a 2007 Malbec? Good choice!”

“Sheldon – you didn’t tell us this was going to be a house party,” Brianna said, with an edge to her voice.

“I – we didn’t” –

Tim tapped Brianna on the shoulder, and some kind of silent couple telepathy went down as they looked at each other. As one, they rose from the couch. Tim handed Brianna her purse.

“What – you’re not leaving, are you? Come on – this is all just a big misunderstanding,” Sheldon said. “I’m sure we’ll laugh about it in the years to come…during a long weekend in Sweet Breezes Bed and Breakfast, Charlottetown?” he finished, hopefully.

Brianna looked him up and down. “I don’t think so,” she said. She cast a disapproving eye over the people filling the apartment. “Face it – you two are complete amateurs.”

The smackdown was slightly diminished by the fact that she and Tim had to elbow their way out the door, but Sheldon still seemed quite affected.

“Are you happy now?” he asked Derek, arms thrown wide.

“Confused mostly,” Derek said, after turning his head to make sure Sheldon was actually talking to him. 

“Your immature, gate-crashing friends just ruined our date!”

“And now you’ll never get to first base with the Uptights?” Derek asked sympathetically. “Sucks. But – I didn’t invite them.” He jerked his thumb in the direction of the gatecrashers.

“You didn’t?” Sheldon asked. “Then who” –

“I did,” came a small voice from behind him. Sheldon turned to face Emily, standing in the entrance to the kitchen. “You – Em, why would you” –

"The sabotage is coming from _inside_ the house!" Derek intoned in a harsh whisper. Sam found a smile.

"Em," Sheldon said again.

She made a break for the bathroom. He gaped for a moment, before rushing after her.

“I brought wine,” Derek offered, holding out the bottle in his left hand.

Sam nodded. “Probably a good idea,” he said, casting a glance over his shoulder at the closed bathroom door.

“I didn’t bring a date,” he said, almost challengingly.

**_This is a complicated one, kids. It wasn’t so much that we resolved the issue between us, as…we agreed to sweep it under the rug again. Now of course, this wasn’t such a good strategy long-term, but, for the moment? It worked._**

Sam considered this. “That’s okay. Neither did I…I don’t think Casey’s coming.”

He took the bottle of wine. “So, what do you say we get this party started?”

***** 

_**Meanwhile, just as your Uncle Derek and I were patching things up, Uncle Sheldon and Aunt Emily were talking some things through in the bathroom.** _

“They seemed nice when I met them outside the liquor store,” Emily offered. She flinched as she heard the sound of breaking glass outside. “I’m sorry I ruined your couples night.”

Sheldon didn’t even seem to notice the sounds of general carnage outside the door, as he sat next to her on the edge of the bath, and corrected, “ _Our_ couples night. Why did you invite them?”

Emily faced him. “Sheldon – is this seriously what you think our lives are going to be like from now on?”

“Emily – what are you talking about?”

“Those people are _boring_ , Sheldon,” she said. “They’re boring and they know way too much about wine, but they never get drunk or have fun – and if being engaged and getting married means that we’re going to end up like them…then I don’t want it.”

Sheldon stiffened. 

“I don’t mean” – she trailed off and looked at him. “Do you know why I fell in love with you, Sheldon?”

“My charm, my unorthodox good looks…and the fact that I wouldn’t take no for an answer?”

“I fell in love with you because you are the least boring person I’ve ever met,” she said simply. “Okay – this is going to sound incredibly Hallmark, but – every day with you is an adventure. You make me mad, and happy, and crazy…but you never bore me. So if I’m going to promise to spend the rest of my life with you – you have to promise me it’s going to be worth my while.”

“What are you saying, Em?” he asked.

She hiccupped out a watery laugh. “I’m saying…if we’re going to do this – can we at least do it on our own terms?”

Slowly, Sheldon nodded. “I think we can manage that.”

Emily closed her eyes and let out a breath.

“As a matter of fact,” he said, getting to his feet and offering his hand to Emily, “What do you say we go out there, and enjoy a non-boring party?”

Emily looked at his hand for a moment, before saying, apologetically, “Actually, do you mind if we sit this one out? Some of those people looked scary.”

Sheldon sat down with alacrity. “I thought I was the only one who noticed that,” he said, with clear relief.

Emily smiled and leaned her head on his shoulder.

*****

**_Actually, the party turned out to be a good one – well, once I accepted that there was no way we would ever get our deposit back. We drank the wine, we ate the cheese...we cranked up the sound system. And – at a certain point in the evening, your Uncle Derek performed his party trick – the vanishing act…_**

Halfway down the hall, during a makeout break, the woman put her hands on Derek’s shoulders and pulled away. “Crap – I forgot my purse. Stay where you are, hot stuff, and I’ll be right back.” She pecked him on the lips and scurried back down the hall.

It was while Derek was waiting that he saw her. She rounded the corner, carrying a bottle of wine in one hand, and a cheese in the other, and while he was watching, she put both on the ground, and straightened her skirt and tugged at her blouse. She closed her eyes and several deep breaths before she picked up the bottle and the cheese again.

“Hi, I’m sorry,” she said, as she came closer and noticed Derek. “I’m looking for Sam Richards’ apartment?”

“Last door on your left,” Derek told her. “You can’t miss it.”

“Thanks,” she said, and walked past.

**_If you ask your Uncle Derek about what he said next, he’ll probably tell you it was because your Aunt Casey looked pathetic, standing in the hallway outside my apartment, trying to seem cool and composed, and holding a bottle of wine in one hand and a cheese in the other. That’s what he told me later, anyway. But, whatever the reason behind it was, he said this to her…_**

“Little tip though?” he called after her. “I wouldn’t bother – if I were you.”

She turned back. “What? It’s okay – I’m invited.”

“Yeah. I know…Casey, right?”

“Yeah, I’m…” She glanced at him, surprised. “Has…Sam been talking about me?” A little smile began to curve her lips.

“Actually yeah,” Derek told her. “In fact – he put on this wine and cheese schtick to impress you.”

The smile spread across her face. “He did? That’s so” –

“Yeah. Except – the wine and cheese party turned into a regular party along the way.”

“Oh,” she said, a little nonplussed.

“Funny thing though – Sam seems just as happy with that.”

Casey looked at him, before straightening her shoulders a little. “Are you insinuating something?”

“Don’t waste your time,” he said, briefly. “Sam might act like he wants something deep, something…meaningful,” he rolled his eyes, “But the truth is – deep’s over-rated, and he’s just as happy with shallow. Like all right-thinking guys.”

“Well, thanks for the essentialist advice,” she said, holding her head high. “But I happen to believe that people are individuals, and that includes ‘right-thinking guys’.”

Derek shrugged. “Hey – if you want to waste your time…”

She tipped her chin up. “Maybe I do.” She hastily corrected herself, “Not that I’m saying that it _would_ be a waste of time.”

“Or you could cut your losses,” he said. “I know your type and” –

“I’m not a type, I’m a _person_. One you don't know anything about.”

“I know Sam, though.”

She didn’t answer.

“And believe me, he doesn’t know what he wants. You should find someone else to play house with – someone who’s invested in that daydream.”

Casey looked at him for a moment, before saying, again, “Thanks again for the – unnecessary – advice.” She walked straight over to the apartment door.

“Fine,” Derek said. “Let me know how all that Disney princess optimism works out for you.”

“I will – when you let me know how the stupid cool-guy cynicism works out for you,” Casey said. She knocked, and she threw a last defiant look at Derek as she straightened her suit jacket.

As she entered the apartment, the woman who’d gone back to get her purse came out. She trotted down the hallway to Derek, slid her arm around his waist, and said, “Okay, I’m set – oh, and it’s Derek, right?”

“Yeah,” Derek said. “It’s Derek.” He slung his arm over her shoulder, and cast a last glance back at the now-empty hall, before saying, “Let’s get out of here.”

Meanwhile, Casey stepped into the apartment, and almost immediately, she saw Sam. He was standing in a corner, and talking to a girl with red hair. She was standing close to him, and their heads were bent together. She held out her arm, obviously showing Sam something, and he leaned even closer. She tipped her head and smiled, and he smiled back. They were just talking, but it made Casey stop, alone in the middle of the party, and look down at the floor for a moment, until she could hide her disappointment.

_**Kids, it wasn’t until years afterwards that your Aunt Casey told me the truth. That she’d rushed straight from her work emergency, all the way across town, just so she would have a chance of making the wine and cheese party, and seeing me. That she’d spent the day thinking about my call, going over our last disastrous date and hoping that…well, that things would work out this time. And even though we were both happily married to other people by then, I still felt like a jerk when she told me.** _

_**Luckily nothing happened with that girl, but it didn’t matter. Casey had seen me, demonstrating the truth of Derek’s words – at that point in my life, I was just as happy talking to that random girl, as I was talking to the girl who could have been The One. I was an idiot back then.** _

Sam looked up from his perusal of his companion’s bee tattoo, and saw Casey. He smiled, and Casey smiled a little rustily back. 

“Hey – you made it – I’m glad,” he said, as he approached her. 

“Yeah – I have…” she held out the wine and cheese.

“That’s great, thanks,” he said, as he took them. A little awkwardly, he gestured with the wine bottle between Casey and the girl he had been talking to. “Casey – this is Vanna. Vanna – Casey.”

“Nice to meet you,” Casey said. “But actually, I should get going. I have an early start tomorrow.”

“What – but you just got here. Come on, stay for a little while.”

“It’s a really great party,” Vanna said. Casey dredged up her rusty smile again, and said, “I guess I could stay for a little while.”

**_And she did. As a matter of fact, when everyone cleared out, and we found your Aunt Emily and your Uncle Sheldon asleep in the bathtub, your Aunt Casey was the one who helped me clear up – and we ended up talking for a long time._ **

“Listen, Casey...I'm really glad you came tonight,” Sam said, as he passed her a glass.

She looked down at it as she dried it with a dish-towel. “Me too, actually,” she said eventually. "It...really helped me figure some things out."

Sam turned away from the sink and said, hesitantly, “Yeah, me too. So - Casey...I know we didn’t exactly…get off to the best start, but…would you maybe want to go out again?”

Casey thought about it. “I don’t think – that would be such a good idea right now,” she said eventually.

“What? But why? I mean – we have so much to talk about, and we have such a good time together…there’s something here.” 

“Yeah, but – I don’t know if it’s the _right_ thing.”

“If it’s about the party, I told you – it wasn’t my idea to change it. And – you had a good time, anyway – right?”

“I did,” she said. “But…the thing is - I was really looking forward to that wine and cheese party. I mean – don’t get me wrong, this was…nice. But – it wasn’t exactly what I was expecting.”

“I’m sorry,” Sam said.

“It’s not your fault,” Casey told him.

“We could try another wine and cheese party,” Sam offered.

Casey studied him for a long, uncomfortable moment. “Do you _want_ to have another wine and cheese party? Honestly?”

He looked at her and the need to be honest that she always seemed to inspire in him made him admit, “Not really. But – I do want to have someone to _go_ to wine and cheese parties with.” He watched the suds in the sink, and admitted, “I think I’m tried of being alone. I want to be with someone who…gets it.”

Casey smiled at him. “See – it's obvious you're looking for _something_ …I’m just not sure it’s me.”

“Casey” –

“And that’s great," she said with polished brightness. "Take it from someone who’s been there – knowing what you want…that’s the first step towards getting where you want to go. It helps you figure out when you need to say yes…and when you should say no." She held his gaze.

“Okay,” Sam said, feeling kind of awkward. “Well, I guess that’s - that's it then.” 

As she looked at him, her expression softened. “But, we could still be friends,” she said.

“I don’t’ kn” –

“And - as a friend who has traveled further along the road of self-discovery than you - I could help you out.” She sounded suddenly much more cheerful. “As a matter of fact - Sam Richards, I am going to help you find your perfect girl.”

She smiled again, the same wide, enthusiastic smile as in the bar, and, just like then, Sam found himself smiling back.

*****

**_Kids – I don’t know if your Aunt Casey meant what she said that night…if she really did think she was going to find the perfect girl for me. This is your Aunt Casey we’re talking about, so maybe she really did believe it. In any case – it turned out she was right. I did meet the perfect girl, and I married her…but I wouldn’t have done either, if I hadn’t met your Aunt Casey first._ **


End file.
